Bristol Connecticut

Bristol Conneticut….its not just the home of ESPN

Its were my dads side of the family grew up. It’s a place I have been avoiding for the past few years. Tomorrow Scott and I are going on a road trip to Bristol Connecticut. When he called my dad and asked him for my hand in marriage he promised my dad we would go up for a visit before we got married. I’ve been putting it off for awhile. But now I can’t put it off any more.

You see…
I haven’t seen my dad in over 5 years
I haven’t seen my dad since he got out of jail for robbing a bank
My heart is afraid he would hurt me again
My heart is afraid the family would hurt me

I guard my heart and hold it closely and tightly. Sometimes to tight.

Last night I called my dad to find out where my little sister Kaylee got her new job at. I wanted to see if she got a job at Good Will. She did get the job, and I am thrilled. I think its neat how the Lord has placed me and my two sisters in jobs where we work for Christian organizations. They are not believers, but I believe the Lord has a plan. My dad informed me that he took of Friday from work. The entire time I have known my dad (since birth) he has never ever taken a day off  of work. He is pretty hard-working, working sometimes two jobs at a time and always always works overtime. He then asked me what time Scott and I were going to leave on Sunday, I said whenever, then my dad asked me if he could ask me a favor and I said sure whats up. He wanted us to go to service on Sunday and to meet Pastor Davidson, the Pastor I got him connected with awhile back. I was like seriously….are you sure? He said yeah he has been wanting me to meet him and wanting to go back. (side note…my dad stopped talking to me when I first started working for a church…he wouldn’t step inside a non-catholic church). So I was like yeah I think Scott would really really enjoy that.

Scott and I hung out last night and he was like Jess your beaming. I was like well my family is kinda excited for me to go up, thats never happened before and I am going to see my little sister Kaylee and my dad. Scott reminded me (and I never thought of this before) that my dad will soon be his dad and my little sister Kaylee will be his little sister. I then thought, there is no one else I would rather bring into the family than Scott. They are going to love him, love his heart, and he will be able to just portray Christ in a way I never ever could. A blogger friend of mine Alece blogged about this today. This womans story just amazes me. After reading her blog I was just reminded how excited that my family will be able to see how Scott loves me just as Christ loves me. That Scott will love them unconditionally as Christ loves them.

I believe that Christ who is the ultimate healer…the one that pursues us until we fall in love with Him will bring together my family and heal them. That they will realize that they dont have to wander around, walking away from love, clinging a heart full of shame and hurt afraid to trust themselves or others. Thinking that love is just conditional and knowing that they will fail because they are not perfect, that they dont think they deserve unconditional love. But Christ….

Luke 19:10 (NASB)

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost

He came for me and he came for them. He came so we can fully experience his grace, his love and his mercy, unconditionally with out merit. That He will take away all the shame from our youth, all the shame of our yesterdays and all the shame of tomorrows, that we will no longer experience shame. But in Him experience true forgiveness and out of this newly forgiven heart will out poor forgiveness for our family and those around us.

Yes….I am looking forward to going to Bristol Conneticut…I am looking forward to seeing my family…I am looking forward to seeing my dad and my sister Kaylee. I am looking forward to introducing them to my fiance Scott.

being sick

I hate being sick.

I thought I had allergies at first, they always come around this time of the year. Wasnt’ running a fever, just coughing, and coughing and coughing. I heard one of my roommates coughing and coughing and coughing. My coughing didn’t start until I got back home about a week ago.

Then on my birthday on Wednesday, I just felt tired, figured it was because we spent the day at Hopkins the previous day. Scott wanted to come over and cook me dinner since I can’t eat at his house from the allergies and my throat closes up when I eat. So he came over and made some amazing chicken, corn and rice (he puts in these ingredients where it’s not just pain rice/chicken/corn…its amazing…Scott should have been a chef). Had some amazing tiramisu we got from Little Italy in Baltimore the day before, it was great because some of my roommates were around and we were able to share. While we were watching Amazing Grace (one of my favorite movies) my roommate comes down coughing and informs us she was diagnosed with bronchitis again. I know Scott felt uncomfortable as we are trying to keep it safe with being sick this year. He is diabetic and can’t get sick because his immune system is not like everyone elses. Also we dont want his sister that lives with him is pregnant. So I carry around purell, been eating healthy, working out…but all that doesn’t help when you have a roommate who hasn’t taken meds for bronchitis. So that night it was hard for me to breath I kept coughing (and I have asthma) the next morning I took a shower and nasty green stuff was coming up when I was coughing…so I called my Dr’s made an appt and sure enough I have bronchitis (great). Got on the meds, spent the day home drinking tea, OJ, water and having my yeast free bread with peanut butter and honey.

My whole point in this

I hate being sick. I can handle taking care of other people. But I hate being sick. I feel guilty being sick. I dont want to get my fiance sick. I dont want to get my other roommates sick. I dont want to get my co-workers or even the guy at wegmans sick. I told the cashier yesterday that he might want to wash his hands with purell because I am sick. I dont like being sick and I dont want other people to feel sick.

Im praying I feel better soon, so I can get off the meds, so I can reschedule my allergists appointment (had to cancel bc of Scotts unexpected JH visit) so I can figure out what over the counter meds I can take so I am not allergic to the dogs in his house. Before you see the allergists I have to be off meds for like four days so they dont mess with the test.

I miss seeing my fiance

this is hard

and I hate being sick

one of the best birthday poems ever….he gave this to me on some pretty papyrus paper that had butterfly’s sewn on them…best gift ever….

(For Jessica on her birthday written by Scott Judkins)

The Spirit of God
Our peace through the pain
Our Comfort from Heaven
As the world binds in chains

Jessica West
My soon to be wife
You are a comfort to me…
A best friend for life

To Jesus be honor
His life gave for me
The perfect example
The love of His daddy

I will do my best
Jess, to love you like this
PLease be patient with me
When my words are amiss

To God be the glory
His word will come true
In Him do I trust
I know you will too

The dream of my heart
God’s answer to prayer
Through Years in the making
He purposed you there.
(written by Scott M. Judkins 10.28.09)

Tomorrow…prayfull I am feeling better better… we are going with Heidi and Brad and driving through the Shenandoah’s to take pictures. I’ve been wanting to do this for years. In 2006 my friend Anna Pearson took me on a surprise birthday drive through the Shenandoah’s. It was amazing, just seeing all that the Lord had created. I remember during that drive I thought, when ever I get engaged, or when ever I am married, I want to do the same drive with my fiance/husband….and I get to do that tomorrow. The Lord is so good to me. Even when I am feeling sick and not feeling good and probably need a little bit of extra grace.

Visit at Johns Hopkins

Many people have contacted me to ask what specifically is going on with Scott and how to pray for him.

This is what I have so far.

The Johns Hopkins calls it Paroxysmal NonKinessigenic Diskenisia (PNKD), they think it stems from either his low thyroid; his diabetes; a traumatic brain injury (he was in a coma a few years ago from passing out from a low blood sugar and while he passed out he hit his head on the ground); basal ganglia calcification or hypoxemic injury.  He has three herniated discs in his head where he feels the pain before and during he has his spasms. He has a total of 9 herniated discs in his entire spine. The one in his lower back is called degenerative disc disease. That might be the herniated disc that is associated with his legs giving out on him. The neuro surgeons are not able to surgery on those discs because of their location.

So far they have totally ruled out MS, Brain Tumors, the white blood count doesn’t indicate cancer and they have almost ruled out Parkinson’s. He may have Crohns Disease but this should not make him have the spasms.

Scott has also in the past been diagnosed a fat malabsorption which means he can eat less than 5 grams of fat per meal and he has 6 meals a day. They diagnoses liponatas fold in his stomach. He also has MS, Brain Tumors,in his stomach. Scott and I laugh about this because it’s rarely found in humans and more commonly found in dogs. This is serious, but we have to find laughter in it somehow. We know that the Lord hears the prayers of those who love Him. He found that he is allergic to yeast, which means he can’t take one type of insulin because it is yeast based. This this is a recent allergy (past 2-3 years).

We went to Hopkins yesterday, our 2nd visit with them. Scott spoke to the Dr. a resident and an intern. They had him go through some basic movement tests to see if they can create the spasms. They did create some when they moved a pen under his foot, Scott crunched up and his body started convulsing a little. He did have some stomach spasms while we were waiting in the waiting room, but these are pretty mild and he has them daily. The Dr told Scott that the entire thing “baffles him”, he is going to order an MRI (since scott hasn’t had a new one in 2-3 yrs) and have him see a stomach Dr at Johns Hopkins and do possible genetic testing. So please continue to pray for Scott. We felt kinda discouraged leaving Hopkins because we didn’t have any real solid answers. But then I remembered that TV Show Dr House. I said Scott, Dr House doesn’t “brian storm” with the patient to see what the problem could be, they instead brain storm together as a team to try to solve the puzzle. I bet that is what the Dr and his team is trying to do. That is why they are running more tests.

Last night the Lord took me over to Psalm 147.

Psalm 147 (NASB)

 ¹Praise the LORD!
         For it is good to sing praises to our God;
         For it is pleasant and praise is becoming.
    ²The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
         He gathers the outcasts of Israel.
    ³He heals the brokenhearted
         And binds up their wounds.
    ⁴He counts the number of the stars;
         He gives names to all of them.
    ⁵Great is our Lord and abundant in strength;
         His understanding is infinite.
    ⁶The LORD supports the afflicted;
         He brings down the wicked to the ground.
    ⁷Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
         Sing praises to our God on the lyre,
    ⁸Who covers the heavens with clouds,
         Who provides rain for the earth,
         Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
    ⁹He gives to the beast its food,
         And to the young ravens which cry.
    ¹⁰He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
         He does not take pleasure in the legs of a man.
    ¹¹The LORD favors those who fear Him,
         Those who wait for His lovingkindness.
    ¹²Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem!
         Praise your God, O Zion!
    ¹³For He has strengthened the bars of your gates;
         He has blessed your sons within you.
    ¹⁴He makes peace in your borders;
         He satisfies you with the finest of the wheat.
    ¹⁵He sends forth His command to the earth;
         His word runs very swiftly.
    ¹⁶He gives snow like wool;
         He scatters the frost like ashes.
    ¹⁷He casts forth His ice as fragments;
         Who can stand before His cold?
    ¹⁸He sends forth His word and melts them;
         He causes His wind to blow and the waters to flow.
    ¹⁹He declares His words to Jacob,
         His statutes and His ordinances to Israel.
    ²⁰He has not dealt thus with any nation;
         And as for His ordinances, they have not known them.
         Praise the LORD

 His word says it all…its perfect encouragement and perfect place to rest my soul and heart in. The Lords word will stand strong and true and we lean on the Lord and His word at all times, and it helps us make the confusing times less confusing.

Johns Hopkins Part 2

Did you ever grow up wishing that the latest TV show was real life? I mean before reality TV shows even existed? Like back in the days when people watched Beverly Hills, 90210, the original version with Brenda, Brandon and Donna. Or when Friends was popular, how it felt comforting to just watch a show on how best friends just lived life together. I never really wished any of the TV shows were real….well I take that back…when I was around 5 we lived in Germany and our power went out from a storm…I was watching Sesame Street and though that Bert and Ernie and Big Bird had gotten stuck in the TV set. Very traumatic. Thats when my mom told me that it wasn’t real life…but before that I really wanted it to be real life and wanted them to be my friends.

But now I wish House was real. I dont care that he is mean in the show, I think thats the point, it shows how patients just want the cure, or they want some one who can figure out their puzzle. I wish that they based the TV show off of a real Dr. A Dr that is really encouraged to truly ponder over why something is drastically medically wrong about a person. Not treat a person as a number, but treat them as a puzzle and have a strong desire to figure the puzzle/person/medical condition out.

Scott received an unexpected call from Johns Hopkins today. His second appointment was scheduled for December, but they had a cancellation and I am assuming they called Scott because he spent several hours in the ER room a few Saturdays ago and Scott emailed them about it.

My prayer is this. That the Dr doesnt’ give up on Scott. That he truly wants to be on Scotts team to encourage him, to try to figure out this puzzle together. To go outside of the box and think “hey this guy has these seizures/spasms and all  his blood work is fine…let me try to think outside of the box as to what could be wrong, let me listen to the patient instead of blowing him off”. I dont understand why Scott gets these seizures (they wont call them seizures because he is fully mentally functioning and can hold a conversation during them) but his entire body convulses. I dont understand why his legs give out on him and he falls down when we are walking sometimes. But I do know that deep down in most Dr’s when they fist wanted to go to medical school, or when they were kids, they had that innate desire to want to change the world by helping someone. By helping to try to figure out the puzzle of what is wrong with that person. By helping them get better. To be honest, the Dr who is going to help Scott is going to not only change Scotts life, but mine and many others. So I am praying that the Dr remembers why he originally wanted to become a Johns Hopkins Dr. Where the undiagnosed go to, to be treated by the best, who can solve these puzzles. I think I am now starting to feel the frustration that his Dr here wont take Scott seriously. I mean sure everyone just likes to randomly make their body have spasms and seize up, thats a fun way to spend a Saturday night in the ER (please hear my sarcasm in this…and this is not based on the JH Dr…but a local one that gives Scott a run around).

I do trust in the Lord with Scotts life. I trust in the Lord for allowing Scott to have this motion disorder. I just know that the Johns Hopkins Dr, holds the key to encouraging my fiance by wanting to be on his team, and wanting to work with him to help find out what is wrong.

And by the way…Scott has been amazing about this whole process. Its neat to see how he is geniuly nice, humble, kind to the Drs. Me on the other hand (the firecracker) would have gotten fired up a long time ago and would have probably said something, regret I said something, then go back and ask for forgiveness. But Scott realizes that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I praise God that he has instilled these qualities in Scott. That Scott even though he physically doesn’t feel like it, when he is at his worst, still treates those around him with these qualities. Maybe that is why the Lord has allowed this. So others around him can see Christ shine through him as he carries around these fruits and holds them out for others to take a look at.

Air Filter

Looking back on the Lords faithfulness through an air filter….

If you go through the past I dont know 10+ years of my journals you will see that I prayed for specific things for my future husband. Well first and foremost I prayed that God would mold me into the wife He had intended me to be for my husband. To prepare me and mold my heart because I knew the Lord had a lot of work to do in me first before I could ever get married. I also prayed that the man would love the Lord more than life its-self…its funny how he provided Scott who literally has to lean on the Lord and place his life in the Lords hands daily because of his diabetes and we have no idea what his movement disorder is. I also prayed that he would make an amazing father…and Scott loves kids more than any man I have met. I keep on teasing him that we are going to end up like the duggars with 18 kids because we both love kids so much. I prayed for other things… but one thing you will see I just cried out to the Lord over and over again is…”Lord please have him take over my car issues“.  That he doesn’t have to be a mechanic, just be the voice behind the person requesting the car work. You see growing up my dad was a mechanic. He worked as one in the military and when he got out. Everytime I go to a car shop the smell reminds me of my father. He knew how to fix anyone’s car and he was the person everyone called up. When we go to to visit my family in a few weeks Scott will be able to see how nuts my family is about restoring and fixing cars. My uncle Frank has a garage at his house where his son (little Frank) and his friends get together and fix or remodel cars and they all compete in the towns “car shows”. It’s great! But because I was a girl my dad never taught my sisters or I how to fix cars.  So because I am a girl who doesn’t have any of her male family members in the area, when my car breaks down I get the run around with many shops. Last year was one of my hardest years as far as car breaking down. I literally put in $3,000+ in car expenses. It was one thing after another and one shop didn’t fix my car right which caused it to over heat on the way home to Maryland on the American Legion Bridge (nightmare during rush-hour) and when I took it back to the mechanic he realized that he did something wrong that ended up burning the fuse that was somehow connected to my fan. The half burnt fuse is actually on my desk as a reminder of how faithful the Lord is. Well Scott has been asking me for months to allow him to fix my car. For me to allow him to do this is like allowing him to enter a very sacred place in my heart and this is scary for me since it has been hurt by many car shop mechanics in the area that I am forced to trust into taking care of my car. I haven’t even allowed him to drive my car yet. Its a piece of junk…but its still my piece of junk. Well I’ve been about two months over due for an oil change, my tires all needed air, especially one of my back tires it just looked flat. When I turned on the air or heat, it would smell like cow manure. I had no idea why….figured a squirrel crawled up in  the car and died about a year ago…or at least pooped in the air filter. My car has been making a funny noise…so today was the day we were “fixing my car” getting the oil change ect. We decided last min we would see his nephew Kodys last t-ball game of the season.  We got to see the family and see Kody play. It ended up raining out, but was fun. Tyler looked like a cute rubber ducky in his rain slicker.

Kody even told me he loves me more than uncle scott. SCORE! ha ha Left and did a whole bunch of errands and found out that the places we wanted to take my car to were all booked up. Ended up calling Jiffy Lube and they had appts open. Went there and Scott talk the guys. It was kinda funny because Scott was giving his information for my car, like contact information and while he was doing this, while I was allowing him to take care of me I thought… I am going to marry this man…that next time I come here I would be married and the address Scott is giving for my car is going to be our address…left the place and I told Scott I dont think I trust the mechanics (I have trust issues) that the reason why they have open appointments is because no one trusts them. Scott was super gentle and said we would just trust in the Lord and he ensured that he will double-check everything when we leave. Satisfied with the answer we went to wal-mart to get the air filter, went back and got my car, everything appeared okay.

Later in the day Scott came over. The was sun finally came out and he asked if he can change the air filter. I was all game because I thought it would be neat to watch. He changed the air filter for me. The old one was gross, it was black and had bugs and pollen inside of it. Then afterwards he was able to show me how the oil was changed and confirmed that they topped off all the other fluids.

 

I love how the Lord not only provides Scott as a fiance (future husband) with all the super big qualities I was looking for, Godly man, spurs me on to love the Lord more, loves children, loves working with students, can make me laugh, and is goofier than me…but also that the Lord knew the little things that would just mean so much to me…like helping me understand and fix my car. I love how the Lord even though I act like a doubting Thomas, breaks down my walls through the love of another. That the Lord knew that Scott would have the patience and love to show me things about my car. That Scott would encourage me to trust people, to take them at their word.

I also praise the Lord for providing this awesome family that Scott has, I was telling him last week that I dont even have to try with his family, that they for some reason automatically love me. Im totally not used to this. It confounds me. But its wonderfully sweet. Like a few months ago when his sister in law signed her email saying that she loves me. I was taken aback by it. But now knowing my future sister-in-law and knowing her heart and even knowing the heart of all his family members. They truly mean it when they say that they love you….and they would be willing to give the very shirt off of their back to help someone in need. Its unconditional. Its amazing. Its beautiful. Its what the Lord intended. It’s totally not what I deserve but I rejoice in the Lord bestowing upon me blessings that are undeserved and rejoice in seeing that this is yet another step He is allowing me to take to change my heart to become a little more like His.

Colossians 2:10 (NASB)

And in Him you have been made complete

If we find ourselves hidden in Christ. Then we will find ourselves made complete.

lost chapstick….proclaimed faithfulness

Earlier this week I received an email from one of my co-workers Pam Stroup. A woman who attends our church and is a single mom of five children had contacted Pam for prayer. She wanted us to pray for her because one of her five children was having breathing problems on Sunday night and brought her to the ER, where the Drs diagnosed her with swine flu and pneumonia. Not only was this single mom now faced with her child being sick with swine flu, but she had four other children to take care of, and the child in the hospital has epilepsy and seizures. I personally knew the mom because I was her eldest daughters Jr High leader.

I immediately sent the email to some people who I knew who would be able to lift the family up in prayer. I was already praying about which night of the week I could stop by with groceries. Heard back from my amazing Jr High co-leader from last year Jen, we made a plan, I would drop of supplies and a meal today she would take Friday. Pam heard back from some other ladies who took a meal yesterday and one is going over tomorrow.

Monday, I went to giant, stocked up on some food, then again last night after babysitting I went to wegmans . I spoke to the mom this morning and asked if I could stop by around 2 pm today. Before I stopped over I went to Target, found some more food items and purchased a birthday card for the mom with a target gift certificate. While I was in the check out line I was thinking…my lips might be getting chapped and I was trying to figure out if I wanted to spend the $5.99 on two tubes of  class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”of “>berts bees and if I actually use their stuff or if I just want to get the $2.00 on sale package of three chapstick. I decided to go with the sale item. I used it more last year anyways.

Left Target and went to Boston Market, they have great deals on pre-packaged meals for families, en route I was talking to Scott who likes to lovingly remind me to eat lunch since I tend to skip my meals. Didn’t eat lunch and decided that while I went to Boston Market I would get lunch as well. Sat down ate my meal then took everything outside to organized the groceries in my car….as I was organizing I thought…what did I do with the chapsticks…and couldn’t find them anywhere in my bags…and I though…maybe I am not supposed to find them…

Brought everything to the mom’s house, did an outside hand off since she didn’t want to get anyone sick. It reminded me when people used to  help us out when I was younger, kids peeking through the windows with cute smiles, an exhausted mom happy to see someone from the church.

Got home today and got this email from my co-worker that the mom sent to her right after I left…..

it’s called “seeing God in the little things”

Just wanted to tell you how amazing all of the practical support from everyone has been.  We’ve been blessed with meals, muffins, flowers, a birthday balloon, juice, tea, groceries.  How wonderful it is to feel supported (and especially have my birthday remembered!!).  I also wanted to share with you something that really made me know that God cares about even the “small stuff”.  Both Cassidy and Tyson started complaining about chapped lips last night.  Cami even had a hard time eating dinner her lips were so sore.  When Jessica West came by today, in her bags of stuff were 3 tubes of chapstick.  How cool is that!!!  When Cami came home today, she again mentioned how badly her lips hurt and so I pulled out the chapstick and told her to put it on her lips.  She said to me “how did you remember that?”….I said, “I didn’t. God did!!”

Psalm 107:9

For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.

Lord, from the depths of my heart, thank you for allowing me to see your heart today. For allowing me to purchase and lose chapstick to provide and proclaim your glory to little eyes and ears. That they will be able to see and say “My God has remembered me…and He has provided” even in the little things.

TheKnot

TheKnot

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Life in the fast lane, Surely makes you lose your mind

Last Sunday driving to church I had the radio on…this eagles song came on (all to familiar) and even though my past is long behind me…I felt like I could currently relate to the lyrics

Life in the fast lane, Surely makes you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane, Huh
Life in the fast lane, Everything all the time
Life in the fast lane, Huh
- Eagles – Life in the Fast Lane

My life has felt like its in a fast lane and I haven’t posted in a while because I just feel like its been one thing after another in the past few weeks…I just want to drive in the slow lane…or just stop at a rest station…a nice one with trees and a clean bathroom..

Over the past two weeks….

• I ran over a street sign.
• Scott went to the ER two Saturday nights ago…he thought he had a heart attack and had the worst spasms/seizures I’ve ever seen. Took me, and EMT, two female nurses and a male nurse to hold him down so they could get an IV in.
• Pearl earrings my mom gave me are missing from my house.
• Important mail missing from my house.
• Im house-sitting most of this month and the bird died yesterday.
• While at my house-sitting job the night Scott was in the ER someone threw rotten apples at my car.
• Work has been insane.
• Can’t continue with my small group because it meets on a night that I have pre-marital.

This all in the past two weeks. Its nuts! I feel like I am cautiously going out into the world when I leave in the mornings….what will happen this time? Will I accidently run over a squirrel instead of a street sign? Will something happen to Scott and I can’t get to him in time to help him. What else?

It feels like

…life in the fast lane and it surely makes you lose your mind..life in the fast lane…everything all the time

I sometimes feel like I need to be Penny in that Twilight Zone movie “A Little Peace and Quite” when she wears this pendant she found. She can actually make time stop so she can rest. Actually if this really happened to me I would probably freak out and this movie has a super bad ending. I would rather trust in the Lord than a pendant around my neck.

I do want to be out of the fastlane. I want to stop trying to fight the Lord in trying to do things on my own. I want to be able to get out of the way and just let Him do His job. To trust that just when we break muscles so they grow back stronger, that in the Lord allowing these circumstances is breaking something in me to grow back stronger and healthier than it was before. Knowing that He has formed me for Himself and its to bring Him praise (Isaiah 43:21 “The people whom I have formed for Myself, Will declare My Praise“) It doesn’t matter if material things are missing (my moms earrings) or if the bird died, or if Scotts health is not right. The Lord knows and has it completely under control with out my help…He will provide….and He will take me out  of this fast lane to give me His rest. That He will if I allow Him provide a pretty sweet rest stop….with an amazing view just so I can praise Him. That in all of this…He wants us to trust in Him and to abide in this temporary land to cultivate and harvest faithfulness….

Psalm 37:3

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness

That as Brooke Fraser sings in the C.S. Lewis song…If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here…If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I’ll feel nude when to where I’m destined I’m compared…

Nothing in this world can satisfy…Scott can be 100% healthy and not have a spasm ever again…I can be 100% assured that he would make it till we are married…that I would have a happy and long life married to him with plenty of kids….but nothing….nothing in this world can satisfy…that only the words of Christ can ever satisfy all our deep longings….it can satisfy all that this world could ever offer.

Psalm 40:14

oh satisfy us in the morning with Your loving-kindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days

Nothing….no trial…no frustration…nothing…should ever stop us from truly praising our Lord for the unmerited grace he bestows on us. His gifts are worth far more than anything this world can provide. Not only has he rescued and redeemed us and call us His own…but he also bestows blessings of peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control….

Oh Lord if only…I can truly trust in You….stop trying to do things on my own…stop thinking this world could ever satisfy me…because my heart that knows and loves you…knows the truth….

…Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee…

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God

I am about to head to bed….but wanted to post a few more updates on my heart just being super grateful

First…Today Scott was able to drive to my job at 1:30 and meet Dr Tim Tatum. Dr Tim has had a profoundly huge impact on my life. He is like a spiritual dad to me and has prayed for me and has walked along side me in many of my years in full-time ministry. Dr. Tim has always known that one day I would be married, to a solid faithful man. The Lord provided Scott. It brough such sweet joy to my heart to have the two of them meet. To wipe away any anxieties that I may have thinking I wouldn’t be a good enough wife. I was encouraged, blessed and I believe I fell in love with Scott a little more. There are people who come in your life that you absolutely know they are following hard after the Lord, sometimes it may not seem like a race, but just this sweet aroma of knowing that they spend many hours in the presence of God. I’ve seen this in Dr. Tim and Scott.

I start house-sitting, the Lord has provided more support for my wedding in this (financial). This was a worry for me since my parents would not be able to support in any way. So I would be paying for the wedding out of babysitting, house/dog sitting and what I can save up from working at a church (believe me we dont make that much…. it’s not all about the money). Hence why I want a simple wedding. I love house sitting. Especially watching Teddy (the dog) he looks like a lamb. Seriously I will have to post pictures later.

As I was unpacking my car, I put my hand on my roof and noticed a dent….something I didn’t notice before. I guess when I hit the sign something went up in the air and made a dent into my car, it hit it so hard it actually scrapped it to the fiberglass of my car. I ran my hands over it again and was reminded of how the Lord protected me….I am grateful for this.

Then I got to talk to Jamie on facebook chat! I’ve missed her so much!

Then as I am getting ready for bed…I get an email from my fiance Scott. It was an email that Laura Slingerland (her and her husband Paul set us up) wrote him back in 2006, Scott asked her to pray for him for a wife…she sent him

 

Pslam 40: 1-9

 

To guard you in all your ways

Wow. Have you ever just experienced Gods protection in such a way that you just know He was right with you?

Psalm 91:11

For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways.

Well I did this morning…. I was driving into work… wanted to get their super early since I have a big day today with a lot of work to finish. I decided to cut through University, go through the Safeway parking lot and go to Old Lee Highway, I knew if I took 123 that I would be stuck in stand still traffic. As I was driving through the safeway parking lot to the traffic light, I saw it was already green and thought “Sweet! Thank you Lord”, drove through, and the morning light was literally blinding my eyes and before I know it CRASH bump bump….I drove over the wooden street sign in the middle of the intersection, saw it right when I hit it and saw it break and go under my car. I was shocked….I sat for a moment…turned off my car…then though I need to pull over somewhere safe and see if my car is okay and isn’t damaged and dangerous. So I pulled around the corner. Texted Scott and some co-workers “Just in major accident” hey it was major to me and I thought my car was a goner…and I destroyed a sign…I was shocked and scared. Scott called me and he asked me to look at my car, I was like “Umm Scott….their is like no damage! none!” So we agreed to meet in the safeway parking lot, he came and sure enough I only have a tiny scratch barely noticeable on my car. The head lights were fine, my tires fine, we looked under the car and everything looked great and nothing was leaking…I said wow my tiny Ford Focus is a beast!! Which is another blessing because I really dont like my Ford Focus and will never purchase a Ford again. When Koons Sterling Ford sold me the car years ago… I swear it’s a lemon…drove it off the lot with only 9 miles on it. Always breaking down, from less than a month when I first drove it off the lot with less than 50 miles to even now it sounds like something is about to break. So I was shocked that it didn’t completely fall part.  Scott believes I was protected by angels and I truly believe so as well. Ended up calling the cops, it was the right thing to do, plus I essentially destroyed their sign. The cops took 30 mins to come over, they apologized (the Sargent came as well) because whomever took my call placed me on a hold and they were supposed to respond with in mins (they were less than a mile from me) and it took them 30 mins. I was like not a problem I am the one in trouble here and made a mistake. The cop couldn’t believe their was no damage to my car and I told him its the Lord protecting me. He wrote up the incident and then gave me my card and said “This one is on him”. So not only did the Lord completely protect me and my car in running over a big wooden sign. Which truly could have cost me thousands in repairs, but he also protected me from a ticket, paying a fine and from my insurance rates going up.

I praise the Lord that He has blessed me again with his unmerited grace that is totally undeserving. Just last night I was dreading today. Now I give thanks for today, because today I have seen the Lords hand of blessing over my life. So many things could have gone wrong, but he has completely protected me. I also praise him for allowing me to see cops in a different light, and allowing my fiance to come out to assist me when I had no idea what to do and I was scared. Im blessed beyond measure….

Psalm 91:14-16

“Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
         I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. 
    ”He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
         I will be with him in trouble;
         I will rescue him and honor him. 
    ”With a long life I will satisfy him
         And let him see My salvation.”